Size: 250 ml
ABV: 5 %
If there was ever a more appropriately named Belgian beer to take to an illegal rave than Crack Pils, then it hasn’t been brewed yet. I saw this tacky little lager sitting all alone on a dusty shelf in the old den Zytholog shed in Adegem. I wouldn’t be the first person in the world, and certainly won’t be the last to be tempted by both Crack and Pills.
It’s all very well to smugly sit here and make wisecracks about hard narcotics but perhaps the irony is that the beer we drink and read and write about is a drug. The general classification for a drug is simply ‘any substance which when absorbed into a living organism may modify one or more of its functions’. You could equally argue that vitamins and hormones are similarly classed as drugs, but they don’t quite elicit the same bodily effects as a good skinful of booze.
Anti-alcohol activists, of which there are many, would have you believe that alcoholic beverages are on a par with illegal street drugs such as Crack. Your average beer drinker might tend to disagree but it is worth looking at a few facts before immediately writing off such claims. A number of recent studies in the US have claimed that excessive alcohol consumption is associated with approximately 75,000 deaths per year, and that 41% of all deaths from motor vehicle crashes involved alcohol. How tenuous these links are is up for discussion, however you only have to be in city centres at closing time these days to see for yourself the carnage which alcohol can cause. The studies continue to allege that alcohol abuse in our youth tends to lead to academic and occupational problems, as well as physical violence and illegal behaviour. Long term alcohol misuse is also proven to be associated with liver disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease and neurological damage, as well as psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety and personality disorders. Bleak stuff.
This isn’t just a US issue either. A recent journal article in the Lancet in the UK claimed that alcohol is the most dangerous drug, ahead of both heroin (2nd), and cocaine (3rd). The basis of the claims centre on both the harm to the individual and on society of excessive alcohol consumption. It’s a convenient point of view for those who wish to take advantage of the situation and increase taxes further, or censor advertising although there is almost certainly no smoke without fire. Sitting here in my ivory tower drinking this hideous little beer it’s easy to point the finger at the rest of society but then I began to recall nights when I wrestled a police officer to the ground after a pub crawl, charged at a group of riot police in Ghent, urinated against a police station door in Antwerp, and stole a boat and had to be rescued by life-boats about a mile out to sea (#76). I like to consider myself a pretty upstanding member of society and so alcohol clearly has something to answer for.
The moral of this story is clearly don’t do Crack, don’t do Pills, and more importantly whatever you do don’t do Crack Pils, or SAS Export, West Pils, Suma Pils or any other pseudonyms of this beer that may exist.